3 Weeks Old

Well the babies are now 3 weeks old! It seems unreal. Also a little weird at how small they will be at 1 month old. We celebrated Memorial Day with putting flowers and pinwheels at Rubys grave sight. FYI... Don't go looking for cool pinwheels on Memorial Day! We searched Every store in town and couldn't find one. We then finally went out to dinner for Shaela and Shane's Birthydays that were on the 19th & 20th.

Beau... Is doing better now that he finally used his colostomy back for what it was meant to be used for!! Funny how you could celebrate 'poop' I am glad it finally happened and nothing major was wrong from his surgery. They will do an Echo on his heart tomorrow, they think his PDA opened up and has gotten bigger. They also will do another ultrasound on his brain. Shane and I went a visit him on Sunday and They said we could hold him! I let Shane hold his little man the entire time.. I will get another turn soon.

He was so cute, it just melted my heart. See how tiny he is...

Amber... We also swung over to Amber to give our love to her as well. Not much has changed for her. I can't remember if I posted this but she is back on the Oscillator. She also was getting Albuterol to help her lungs. Finally today they were able to make the Albuterol as needed and not every few hours. Which is great because it sure made her heart race. She seems to be holding her Sats better as well today. I hope her night goes as well. We have not been able to hold her for some time now since she got on the Oscillator, but we look forward to that day. She is so funny. She hates being bundled up tight like most premies and gets too hot from it. She likes her legs stretched out and her hands gripping something. 

 

Bridget's Tryout

Bridget sure loves musicals. And Musical theatre is her top favorite thing to do. She sings all day long and many times I have felt my eyes roll with hearing a song for the 1000th time. She has been in two plays at school and has always wanted a solo part in them. Well this time she got one!!! I missed the tryouts (since I was stuck in the hospital) and was so glad that someone recorded it for me. She not only received a main part but the part she really wanted. She will be playing Gertrude in the Seussical Jr. Play. Here is the video (I hope it uploads) of her tryout. Thank you Angie Anderson for all you help preparing her when I couldn't.

http://youtu.be/FgS0x-1L2uE

It's been a week

It has been a week since we laid Ruby down to rest until that day we get to see her again. I believe things get easier as time goes bye but it is crazy how the flood gates open up without warning. If I have learned one thing it is how to cry. I have never been one to cry in front of others. And I can attest that now  many, many have seen my tears come down. It is hard because I am happy that Ruby is not and will not suffer anymore and I believe I will get another chance to raise her with Shane. I struggle that I cry for her when I know it is really for me I am crying. I am crying for all the kisses I will miss, for seeing what color her eyes would have changed to, to know what her voice would sound like when she said "mom, I love you" for all the snuggling, for all that we had planned with all the excitement of bringing three home. I know in my heart she was and would have been a daddy's girl. I cry knowing I will miss seeing her in  her dad's arms and that amazing smile he has when he is holding one of his kids and knowing that smile was for her. It is amazing what an impact she has already been on our family and many others in such a short time. I am also amazed and thankful for all the blessings we have received and how much my testimony has grown from this experience. What a wonderful gift she gave us to see things in a different light. I have always been a little recluse from others (I am the type to set my bag on the seat next to me just so no one can sit there and I have to try to come up with a conversation that I know I am not good at doing) so when we drove up to her spot at the cemetery imagine the shock we had with so many people there to support us at that time. I never imagined I had that many friends (and yes I now consider them all friends and know the reason why I never felt like they where before was because of my own insecurities) and the many people  who couldn't make it but gave their condolences and heartfelt love in other ways. We have been humbled by God to accept help in ways we never wished too. And I also have found laughter, true laughter. I feel like it has been a long time since I truly laughed you know the stomach muscles spasm laughter. With the crying also came loose the control I had on all my emotions (I believe it got more controlled after Shaela was born and just kept building from that). It has felt good and uplifting to feel so renewed. I know we have many hard times ahead for us with Amber and Beau still fighting for their lives. Yet I also know that god is watching over us and also that God gave me the most amazing husband a wife could have. I don't know how I got so lucky for this man to pick me to be his wife but I sure am glad he did. I'd like to thank everyone for the well wishes, trinkets to remember Ruby by, flowers, the food we have received, the monetary gifts that have helped with funeral expenses, gas cards to help with travel to and from each hospital, babysitting Regan so I can be by the babies sides and so Shane can return back to work, for the school and the family members of the school for providing lunch  for my girls each day until the end of school and thank you for carpooling my kids too and from school for me. Thank you for teaching me that sometimes you need to accept the help offered. And thank you God for being by my side during one of the hardest things I have ever endured.
Here are pictures from that very special day..

Regan kept us a laughing with her 4yr old ways. The limo ride she even had the mortuary men laughing. What a sweet release she provided us.

And this amazing picture my sister in-law had drawn up from photos she had taken of Ruby.

Ear hold'n and naked babes

Ok I have started this post at least a dozen times... My life has turned so busy that when I do sit down (which is to pump for the babies to have milk) I fall asleep. I will start with me... I feel like a traveler of the freeway... With Beau at Primary's and Amber still at IMC. I am adding up miles on my car. But well worth those miles! The swelling on my feet as gone way down, but I am still wearing sandals that are three sizes bigger than I usually wear. My heart seems to be steady. I do get the night sweats now when I sleep (from heart failure) that are not much fun (good thing I like hot showers). I will see the cardiologist again on the 26th. Where I will get an Echo, EKG and Chest X-Rays. I am excited that I fit into some of my old clothes they just are a bit tight.

Amber.. Is doing pretty good. They started her on breast milk and have moved up to breast milk fortified with extra calories. She has done well with tolerating it. They start out with tiny amounts (3cc's) and feed every 6hrs. She was reventilated because she was getting too tired trying to breath without a little assistance. But I did get to hold her even with her being ventilated. She seems to like it as much as I do. I even got to sneak my first kiss to her forehead as they were picking her up off my chest to put her back in her incubator. There is nothing better then kissing your babies head and smelling their sweet sent as you do so. Oh.. And I can't forget... Anyone that knows me well knows I have a habit of playing with my ears, my kids ears and as much as my husband hates it, his ears... When I first got to sweet Amber she was holding onto her ear... I couldn't hold back from taking a picture to show Shane that she is going to be a little me ;)

Beau.... Is trying to get bigger. They did try feeds with him but he didn't tolerate it well and took him off. They have to be extra careful with him because of the problem he already had with his bowels. Last night they were going to start and try again but at a very, very slow pace. I have not got to hold this little fellow and can't wait to be able to. But I did get to assist in giving him a sponge bath last night. They think the mess they gave home to help close his PDA is working.. That would be wonderful. 

This is us bathing him ;) (naked butt) oh and he already pee'd on me the little stinker. I also finally got to see his eyes open just a bit so of course I had to take a picture. (not a real good one)

Growing up is hard to do...

Beau for the day. He is going to be a heart breaker...

Amber.. She is hard to see with her football helmet on...

Hardest and best day in one

Not sure how it is possible to have one of the hardest days of my life topped off with one of the best days of my life... What a roller coaster... I am talking about Monday.. I have meant to post that day and yesterday but have been so busy I lost the post I had started. Monday morning Shane and I set out to plan all the arrangements for Ruby's funeral/graveside service. The man at Russon Brother's ended up being a kid I went to school with, which was very nice.  I have a different outlook on the job morticians do now. They sure have a lot of empathy for others. Shane and I had no idea how to go about what needed to be done but they guided us through it all. Shane has done all the planning and continues to protect my feelings or make things easier. I truly couldn't have ever picked a better man. He continues to impress me every day. 

After we got all done with that, Shane took me and dropped me off to spend a few hours with Amber. As I walk in and the nurse is giving me the rundown on how Amber did through the night and what the gameplan for the day would be she stopped mid sentence, looked at me and said "how do you feel about holding her?" Total shock came over me with overwhelming feelings and a flood of tears. How did she know she could mend a bit of my pain I was carrying that day with those 6 simple words? I never dreamed that would be possible this soon. Actually I have been told many times not to plan on holding them until they are at least a month out. I was able to do skin to skin with her (or some call it kangaroo care). They had warned me that she may not tolerate it for more then a few minutes but if she is tolerating (meaning not dropping her Sats heart rate, blood pressure and such) I could hold her up to an hour. Well Amber seemed to love it as much as I did and we were able to go for an hour and a half. I could have went longer with her because she was doing so well, but I am taking Lasix (a water pill) to try and get water off my lungs since my heart isn't fully doing its job. And I had to pee. So back she went to her bed. She is doing so good. They put her on meds and it shows her PDA has gotten smaller. Don't you love her hat and mask? It's like a Cpap breathing machine she is on now.

 After  a few hours with Amber I hitched a ride from my niece and headed over to Primary Children's to spend some time with Beau. What a cute little man I have I couldn't be prouder of him.. PCMC seems to be a little more conservative and so Beau is still on the ventilator and hasn't started on any medications to try and help his PDA close. They did change his ventilator tube to a slightly bigger one since he was loosing air around it. His surgery went well and will most likely have his colostomy bag until he is 5 pounds. He did get his chest tube out ;) those hurt to have (I would know) and I am excited for him to get that out.

Home... Sweet Home

Coming home was bitter sweet.. I was so excited to be able to break free off the Hospital and my family was relieved to know I was stable enough to come home. (However, they still treat my like a China Bowel) we didn't mentioned to anyone that I was coming home because Shane was worried about me having to get up and visit with others. I have (as my lovely sister Sheena calls them) Marshmellow Feet!!! They are worse then most after birth feet because my heart is not keeping up with the water retention and is trying so hard to get it off my lungs. 

I don't fit in any shoes so will be buying flip flops today. I am still on a lot of heart meds and Lasix for water retention. I notice a difference with my heart sincey chest hurts a lot and I'm always out of breath. 

Our Sweet Ruby Jo (Jolene)

Friday afternoon, the doctors explained Ruby's (Baby B)  medical situation to us. Her body seemed to be shutting down and the medications weren't working as well as they should. She also had bleeding on her brain. They were willing to keep trying to help her as long as we wanted. Given all of the circumstances, we chose to remove life support from her Saturday, May 9th. She passed away at about 3:00pm. It was the hardest decision we've ever had to make. Although we are broken hearted, we both knew it was the right thing for Ruby and we feel at peace with it. Thank you for your prayers and concern.

Ruby

She is such a cutie and the smallest of the three. She is being strong and trying to hold on. We learned a couple days ago that that she has bleeding on both sides of her brain. 

Thank you for all the prayers coming her way. We have felt them and have been at a quit piece with her.

Amber

Amber is doing really well... She graduated from the ventilator to a nasal cannula that kindof works like a Cpap machine. We love her new mask

Beau

Well. Our little beau decided he needed some extra attention. And a special trip with Life Flight to Primary Children's Hospital. He had two small holes in his bowels that they cut around and sewed up. He had not leaked any bowels out which is great so he has no infection from the holes. They caught it early! He has a colostomy bag that he will continue without until he hits around 5lbs. Then they will close home back up.

Bridget...

Bridget tried out for the school play... And did a great job from what I was told and the video sent to me from the teacher and Shane. As soon as  I figure out how to post the video I will.

Just a few things

 I know I have not updated a lot recently and please understand that I know you all care deeply and we appreciate all the loving thoughts and prayers coming our way.. However, we have a lot we are dealing with when it comes to the triplets as well as my health. Please understand I started this page to update when I feel I can meaning information we are willing to share at the time and when I am emotionally able to. I am not trying to be rude by not answering all your private messages, texts or calls. I am leaving my cell phone open for my husband, kids and NICU. I will update again about the triplets soon, we just need some time to process everything that is being told to us and deciding on how much to share. I know I have turned down many visitors but I truly was not in a place to accept any visitors. I am doing better and they now have me stable. My blood count is still low and pressures on my heart still high. But nothing that they shouldn't be able to follow in clinic. Thanks again for all your love and concerns. We would love extra prayers for Ruby (baby B)

Second half of birth story

Second half of Birth Story....

So as I was headed back from seeing the babies I got very sick, by the time I got back to my room I was having a really hard time. They gave me some Zofran to help the nausea but it wasn't working real well. We said our goodbyes and then I was left alone. My blood pressure was dropping which made me more sick and I was told no food or drink incase I would have to go back for heart surgery. A few hours later I was going to go try and see the babies again. I got up waited to be disconnected from all my lines and sat in the wheelchair when I started to feel sick again, but not only sick but dizzy so I told the nurse never mind I need to lay back in bed. That is when things turned to the worse. My blood pressure went really... Low and I remember everyone running around. That is when I asked them to cal ll Shane and let him know what was going on. I also remember them running to get blood to start transfusion on me telling them I was starting to pass out and to hurry because I could feel them losing me. As soon as the blood started going into my veins and the drugs they hurried and gave me started to take effect I started to come back around. I ended up getting 2liters of blood at that time. I was told my case was to much for L&D (which is where they had put me back into after having the kids) and that they where not equipped to handle my case. Every time something happened they had doctors come to that unit to help me. So they where talking about moving me to ICU. Well they waited to move me until the next day because they wanted me a bit more stable. In the morning they gave me another liter of blood. I was  anemic while pregnant and having surgery made me more so since I lost some more blood. After that delivery they came and told me that I am moving to the Cardiac until into their ICU which is in another building (they do attach my halls)and I wouldn't be able to make the trek back to see the babies. Also I have been trying to pump Breast Milk for these guys but so far with no luck, but I think what is hindering that a bit is I am on liquid restrictions and taking Lasix. I asked to have one last trip to see the babies before I was taken over to my new room (I had only seen them once for literally 2mins) so complied and pushed me over in a wheelchair. I talked to each nurse about each baby then said my good byes and was pushed to my new unit reand room. I am now stable and hope I can kick this place quickly. I talked the docs over here (who are not afraid of my heat stuff) into allowing me to get up and move around as much as I can. I am a strong believer that the more you are up moving around the faster you heal. I still have to fight them off Every time they day I need to take pain meds and I have to say I am ok I am not in enough pain to take them. Not that there ever is enough pain for me to take them. So here I am sitting in my new room hoping to get back to the babies soon. Depending on how well I am tomorrow they may take out some of these iv lines which would be nice...

Beginning of our Birth story

Ruby

Beau

Amber

Beginning of our birth story....

As many have read from earlier posts we were able to hold off the birth of these amazing little souls for 6 days! After another trip to L&D and being released back to my room on Saturday early evening my sister Ashley Jackson came and visited me as well as gifted me with some amazingly good smelling lotions which I highly coveted ;) after she left I kneeled down to pray my night time prayers and had an overwhelming feeling to no eat my midnight shakes or take my prenatal vitamin, so when she handed them to me I hid the vitamin away then set out to try and fall asleep. (I think it was meant for me not to eat since I would have had eaten food and water to early for surgery) Around 1:00am I was woken up (once again) with hard contractions. I laid there debating on whether to say anything to the nurses since I would end up back at L&D and I had finally received my freedom from there. My contractions started up being about 5-7mins apart. I finally got down on my knees and prayed to God on what I should do and to guide me and the docs through this adventure. I laid back down and called Shane first and told him I believed it was time and to head over if he didn't want to miss it then I called in the nurse. In came the Doc to check my cervix and voila I had dilated to a 5 with babies ready to come.  As expected I got a hurried trip L&D. My contractions started to get closer and harder and I finally asked when they where going to put the epidural in. They said they where holding off to get closer to 7:00am (that way they would have double staff to watch over me and the babies) which was 1 1/2hours away. I told them I don't think they had that long. The Anesthesiologist was right outside my door reading my chart and history. I asked for a Foley because Every time I had a contraction it felt like baby 'A' was kicking my bladder and I didn't think I'd make it to the bathroom with the pain.  After they placed the Foley the pain actually got worse from the Foley putting more pressure down there. A few mins later as I told them I could feel the babies coming my water broke and then they where rushing as fast as they could to the OR. I kept praying out loud for the docs to be able to help me and these little ones. I also kept telling them I could feel Baby 'A' coming out. As soon as we got into the OR I had iv after iv and arterial lines put in. At the same time that was happening I was getting an epidural and spinal both and the docs where scrubbing my belly down for surgery. Well out came Baby 'A- Beau' breached so they rushed the spinal and epidural as fast as they could all the while trying to keep my heart rate and pressures on my heart controlled. I didn't see any of them born but could here the conversations going on. When the last one Baby 'C- Amber' was dug out from under my ribs the relief I felt from all their weight being lifted was immediate. Shane was my  rock through all of this.. As much as he hates being stuck in medical situations he always is trying to help me. And the OR was NOT a calm place at the time!! I can't even tell you how many docs and personnel where in there to help me but I do know they had 20 NICU staff there to help the babies. After closing me up all the docs told me I was doing well and I was stable. But really drugged up ;) Shane was able to go see the babies after they stabilized them and I went to try and see them as soon as I could move my legs. I had to talk the nurse into getting me a wheelchair ride there and NOT on my bed!!! I finally got my way. However I only stayed a very brief time to see them, then I left because I was starting to get nauseas and that is when the second half this story begins. ;) but while I was on my way back to my room Shane Dolar, Pres. Hill and the Stake Secretary proceeded to bless the babies with their names and gave them wonderful blessings. I didn't hear them but the three of them mentioned to me how wonderful and spiritual they where. I am so glad they where able to name and bless them. I believe with all my faith that I was being watched and comforted by God and that these babies where suppose to come today while many, many of you where praying and fasting for us. I know without a doubt Beau (baby A) was suppose to be born through the birthing canal. Boy babies are typically weaker and he is the strongest. All babies are big for their gestation age of being triplets. They measure big for a singleton baby at this gestation age. Thanks again everyone for all your help with the girls and for your faith. It has been very peaceful and comforting through all this and not once have I been scared. My tears I have shed where for my family and the stress I know I have put them through. We do not know what the outcome will be for these little ones but I do know because of our faith either way I will get to raise them. Keep on praying for them. I only share these spiritual things with you not because I think that I am that spiritual or so close to God but because I want you all aware how much your many prayers have been heard.