It's been a week

It has been a week since we laid Ruby down to rest until that day we get to see her again. I believe things get easier as time goes bye but it is crazy how the flood gates open up without warning. If I have learned one thing it is how to cry. I have never been one to cry in front of others. And I can attest that now  many, many have seen my tears come down. It is hard because I am happy that Ruby is not and will not suffer anymore and I believe I will get another chance to raise her with Shane. I struggle that I cry for her when I know it is really for me I am crying. I am crying for all the kisses I will miss, for seeing what color her eyes would have changed to, to know what her voice would sound like when she said "mom, I love you" for all the snuggling, for all that we had planned with all the excitement of bringing three home. I know in my heart she was and would have been a daddy's girl. I cry knowing I will miss seeing her in  her dad's arms and that amazing smile he has when he is holding one of his kids and knowing that smile was for her. It is amazing what an impact she has already been on our family and many others in such a short time. I am also amazed and thankful for all the blessings we have received and how much my testimony has grown from this experience. What a wonderful gift she gave us to see things in a different light. I have always been a little recluse from others (I am the type to set my bag on the seat next to me just so no one can sit there and I have to try to come up with a conversation that I know I am not good at doing) so when we drove up to her spot at the cemetery imagine the shock we had with so many people there to support us at that time. I never imagined I had that many friends (and yes I now consider them all friends and know the reason why I never felt like they where before was because of my own insecurities) and the many people  who couldn't make it but gave their condolences and heartfelt love in other ways. We have been humbled by God to accept help in ways we never wished too. And I also have found laughter, true laughter. I feel like it has been a long time since I truly laughed you know the stomach muscles spasm laughter. With the crying also came loose the control I had on all my emotions (I believe it got more controlled after Shaela was born and just kept building from that). It has felt good and uplifting to feel so renewed. I know we have many hard times ahead for us with Amber and Beau still fighting for their lives. Yet I also know that god is watching over us and also that God gave me the most amazing husband a wife could have. I don't know how I got so lucky for this man to pick me to be his wife but I sure am glad he did. I'd like to thank everyone for the well wishes, trinkets to remember Ruby by, flowers, the food we have received, the monetary gifts that have helped with funeral expenses, gas cards to help with travel to and from each hospital, babysitting Regan so I can be by the babies sides and so Shane can return back to work, for the school and the family members of the school for providing lunch  for my girls each day until the end of school and thank you for carpooling my kids too and from school for me. Thank you for teaching me that sometimes you need to accept the help offered. And thank you God for being by my side during one of the hardest things I have ever endured.
Here are pictures from that very special day..

Regan kept us a laughing with her 4yr old ways. The limo ride she even had the mortuary men laughing. What a sweet release she provided us.

And this amazing picture my sister in-law had drawn up from photos she had taken of Ruby.