Hardest and best day in one

Not sure how it is possible to have one of the hardest days of my life topped off with one of the best days of my life... What a roller coaster... I am talking about Monday.. I have meant to post that day and yesterday but have been so busy I lost the post I had started. Monday morning Shane and I set out to plan all the arrangements for Ruby's funeral/graveside service. The man at Russon Brother's ended up being a kid I went to school with, which was very nice.  I have a different outlook on the job morticians do now. They sure have a lot of empathy for others. Shane and I had no idea how to go about what needed to be done but they guided us through it all. Shane has done all the planning and continues to protect my feelings or make things easier. I truly couldn't have ever picked a better man. He continues to impress me every day. 

After we got all done with that, Shane took me and dropped me off to spend a few hours with Amber. As I walk in and the nurse is giving me the rundown on how Amber did through the night and what the gameplan for the day would be she stopped mid sentence, looked at me and said "how do you feel about holding her?" Total shock came over me with overwhelming feelings and a flood of tears. How did she know she could mend a bit of my pain I was carrying that day with those 6 simple words? I never dreamed that would be possible this soon. Actually I have been told many times not to plan on holding them until they are at least a month out. I was able to do skin to skin with her (or some call it kangaroo care). They had warned me that she may not tolerate it for more then a few minutes but if she is tolerating (meaning not dropping her Sats heart rate, blood pressure and such) I could hold her up to an hour. Well Amber seemed to love it as much as I did and we were able to go for an hour and a half. I could have went longer with her because she was doing so well, but I am taking Lasix (a water pill) to try and get water off my lungs since my heart isn't fully doing its job. And I had to pee. So back she went to her bed. She is doing so good. They put her on meds and it shows her PDA has gotten smaller. Don't you love her hat and mask? It's like a Cpap breathing machine she is on now.

 After  a few hours with Amber I hitched a ride from my niece and headed over to Primary Children's to spend some time with Beau. What a cute little man I have I couldn't be prouder of him.. PCMC seems to be a little more conservative and so Beau is still on the ventilator and hasn't started on any medications to try and help his PDA close. They did change his ventilator tube to a slightly bigger one since he was loosing air around it. His surgery went well and will most likely have his colostomy bag until he is 5 pounds. He did get his chest tube out ;) those hurt to have (I would know) and I am excited for him to get that out.